He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
