Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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