just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
