Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize