come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
