He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
