you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
