Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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