this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize