i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
