you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
