so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've blown a few things in my day
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
