After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
