hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
organizing the empties. That sober.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
