I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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