ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up under a house in Key West
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
