If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
