you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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