So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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