well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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