apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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