when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't deserve a penis
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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