No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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