i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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