Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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