Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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