we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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