He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
