this boner is exhausting
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
