I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
