Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
