he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
