we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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