I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I've blown a few things in my day
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
