she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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