It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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