Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
