i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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