I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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