Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
