i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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