I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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