Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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