I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
