we have officially lost it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
