Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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