dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
