That's intense
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
