I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
