I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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