I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
