How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
