If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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