shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
