I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
